LET'S SUMMARISE

Setting The Scene

The 5 "big picture" insights you need before you do anything else
Whether you’re just starting your efforts to reach a financial settlement with your ex, or you’ve been trying for ages, here are the key “big picture” concepts you need to understand:
Insight #1: There are no rules
There Are No Rules About Entitlements

It’s quite normal to be concerned about what proportion of your wealth each of you should end up with.

Unfortunately, in Australia there are no rules whatsoever about how a separated couple’s wealth is to be divided between them.

Consequently, the word “entitlements” is one of the most misleading ideas that gets bandied about.


And There Are No Rules About Process, Either

And there are also almost no rules about process – that is, how a couple must go about negotiating a settlement.

(The exception is if a case goes to Court, but less than 10% of couples go to Court, and less than 2% go all the way through Court to judgment.)

So the overwhelming majority of couples will negotiate in the absence of rules.

Without rules, neither person can force the other person to do anything.

And that means that settlement deals are reached by negotiation, not by any legal mechanism at all, nor by rules or force.
Insight #2: There are several "pathways" to settlement, each enormously different

There are several common mechanisms you can use to try reaching your settlement:

  • direct negotiation between the two of you
  • mediation
  • lawyers
  • arbitration
  • court

Depending on the dynamics of your negotiation, each of these mechanisms might be useful. But there are hugely significant differences between them in terms of cost, time frame, stress and more.

To pick an example, mediation typically costs $1,000 to $3,000 and takes 1 to 2 weeks, whereas court typically costs $50,000 to $100,000 and takes 2 to 3 years.

So it’s critical you get a very clear picture of each one and be very smart in deciding whether to use them and how to get the best value for money.

Insight #3: Myths and misinformation abound
Since “the law” around financial settlements is hopelessly vague, a lot of problems arise that impact on your efforts to reach a settlement. Here are a few key ones:

  • There are plenty of myths and delusions about financial settlements. Many things you’ll hear – from well-meaning friends and family, and even from lawyers – are simply not true, or are misleading. So it’s crucial to educate yourself and to be clear about the quality and practical usefulness of whatever you hear.

  • People then often fixate on ideas that are just not true. If that’s you and you don’t realise it, you’re going to make it much more difficult for yourself. Negotiation requires mental flexibility. Locking into rigid ideas which are not grounded in reality won’t help.

  • Predictably, since this is such an emotional issue, many people behave pretty badly, or at least don’t behave constructively. Hopefully that’s not you, but it could well be how your ex behaves. So don’t be surprised – it’s pretty normal. You’ll need to learn what tactics can be used to make progress even when the other person is being difficult.
Insight #4: Settlements are not much determined by "the law"
Because “the law” is so vague – and so ineffective – it plays only a small part in financial settlements. So it’s really important to not expect that your settlement will be determined by some mythical legal process – it won’t!

Then how are settlements really achieved? Mostly by persuasion, negotiation, psychology and leverage.

Once you realise that, you’ll be less vulnerable to the delays, stresses and costs that other people face.

And you’ll have a much more clarity about what you need to do to secure your settlement.

In other Guides we’ll explain much more about the negotiation and the factors you need to know and harness. For now, just make sure you understand that it’s not just about “the law”.
Insight #5: Focusing on learning now will save you huge amounts of time, stress and money
To avoid wasting vast amounts of money and time and stress, it’s vital that you educate yourself.

You should focus not just on understanding the rather few legal aspects but much more on developing a negotiating strategy – a plan that takes into account “the law” (such as it is) but also those other factors (persuasion, negotiation, psychology, leverage, etc).

The silliest thing to do when you’re starting out is to hand your fate to a lawyer. You’ll easily burn your first $3,000 to $5,000 just listening to a lawyer rabbit on about “the law”, when “the law” is not at all the only thing that will determine your outcome.

Instead of spending that amount just to start, take the time to read and learn how settlements really work.

You will most likely learn much more – right here – about how settlements really work, than you will from lawyers.

So keep reading and learning. We provide much more detail in further Guides about the “big picture” messages above.

Many of our Guides are free, once you register in our Free Membership Plan.

There are even more available under our Essentials Membership Plan (for a fee about equal to what you’ll pay for 5 minutes with a lawyer.)

It’s time for you to take control of your settlement journey.
You can do this.

Insights and Strategies You Won't Find Anywhere Else

We help separating people negotiate and formalise financial settlements.

Unlike law firms, we focus on practical, real-world methods and strategies.

Our Roadmap Guides provide crucial insights into how settlements really work, not in naive and fantasy-laden ways you might read about elsewhere.

Our Services provide unique, highly effective help to get you to a fair outcome – at minimal expense.

And our Community offers you shared insights and support from over 7,000 other Members.

Join us to learn how to negotiate a fair and reasonable settlement
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